Feeds:
Posts
Comments

At the urging of my uncle Paul, I’ve decided to come back to this blog.

What have I been up to, you might ask?
-SAT preparation. I took the practice SAT and got a 1900! woo!
-Planning to go to a middle college high school called AOC (the same one Paul went to when he lived here in California), where my best friend Ana also goes. (For my senior year)
-reading: The Narrative of Frederick Douglass as well as Catcher in the Rye, and Letters to my Daughter by Maya Angelou (given to me by my mom).
-Driving around like a madman! It’s been very nice having my own car and independence to get wherever I need to go at any time.
-I went to my mom’s house in Vegas with Jacob last weekend, which was muy bueno. I got to spend a lot of time with Daniel and Rennen while my mom was trying to not be sick.
-Looking forward to Daniel’s first birthday party next weekend!
-Getting migraines a lot… : [
-I have been wanting to paint, play my violin, and spend more time with Diego lately. Hm.

That’s about it.

Face of the Week

Photobucket

Mom said it…

“For Amelia is has been the toughest year of her 16 year existence. She has felt love hurt in so many ways. The love of a boyfriend and relationship changes with him. She has felt loss and heartache love for Daniel. She has seen and felt what mother-love is. She often reflects on how powerful her love is to a baby she didn’t even know a year ago. How his vulnerability has made that attachment so much stronger. She has felt love for her Dad in her very protective ways through the Democratic process of Prop 8. She also knows what it means to be a part of this family. The harsher lessons of allowing people to be who they are without judgement. The strains of change have left her heart a wide open wound. She continues to show her love for humanity through her work with the Invisible Children of Uganda Movement. We watch Amelia grow and know that she will find answers to some of the hardest questions in her own time. Questions about faith and humankind’s diversity will rest easier on her heart with age.”

…and she could definitely say it again.

Amelia

got her license today.

FINALLY.

Sort of a weird month,

Birthday pictures: I haven’t received any of my birthday pictures from my dad yet, hence the lack of posting any.  Sorry!

Finals: It has been sort of a weird month, I’ve been swallowed up by the deep black abyss that is finals prior to winter break.  I’ve been getting tutored in math two times a week this month and last weekend I took a practice final that covered all of the material I’ve ‘learned’ this semester in math, and I got the oh-so-glorious score of 25%. Really.  Mind you, I am not very good at math, certainly not, and am easily intimidated by it, but the previous night I had to work for 12 hours.

Work: This month I’ve been working at least 3 times a week with a three different employers (I’m so lucky to have so much work!), the most difficult work being the catering: I love the cooking part, the overhearing strange conversations part, the eating part, and the learning tons of new culinary skills part, but at the end of an event, I’m the dishwasher. The other day we catered to a very fancy dinner party for 12-15 (?) and I was doing dishes until 1 AM. 

License: I (hopefully) get my license this coming Wednesday, I hope I don’t do anything stupid on the test or get skittish/nervous so I’m unable to focus. 

 

Invisible Children: Also, the 17th marks the end of this round of Schools for Schools for Invisible Children. This semester’s fundraising hasn’t been totaled completely, and I think this semester I have learned some valuable leadership skills so that by the time the next round of Schools for Schools begins, I can not only start strong but keep up the momentum with the club and fundraising (that was really hard this semester.)

 

Baby: My head has been a blur lately. Mainly, now that my mom has been coming into town once a week with the baby for his doctors appointments, I have been uncontrollably sad about everything that has happened. The sadness sort of comes in waves, and when the waves hit, I’m drowning. Never before have I loved anyone more than I love Daniel (Elijah’s new adopted name). I feel more protective, more loving, more emotional, towards him than anyone else in my life. I feel like a mama bear or something, very angry and afraid of what kinds of deep intense feelings this has put into me (i.e. What in the world would I do if I ever see the man who is responsible for this again? What wouldn’t I have done if I had only known what he would do to this baby?) I often wish he had been mine, I would willingly have given up my body and future in order to ensure his health and his future, I would willingly have given everything I have for him, and still would. I didn’t think such a combination of feelings was ever possible.

I remember, when I was little, I would try to imagine what I would be like when I turned 16. Would I look different? Would I act different? Will I have changed much? Would my family be the same? Who would my friends be? Would I have a booyyyfrrriiieend? What would I do for my 16th birthday?

I guess I have my answer now! Let’s examine.

Since I can remember I’ve been asking myself this question. Since then….

I got a Dennis and a Rennen, a Giancarlo (and his family: Pietro, Elsa, Giampiero, etc.), a Pumpkin and a Patches, lived in more than 6 houses, traveled to Europe, Mexico, Canada, back and forth from Seattle to California, went to junior high and met my best friend Ana, rode horses, played piano, started playing violin, went to high school, started working with ICU, met Jacob, moved in to my current house with my grandparents (as well as my dad, Giancarlo, Diego, and Ini), took a trip to DC to lobby congress to end the war in Uganda, got a new baby nephew/brother Daniel Elijah, and that’s just the beginning.

 

I’m still very similar. I was always artistic, always lost in thought, always a little crazy.

I’d like to hear what people who have seen my grow up have to say…how have I changed? How am I the same?

I will post birthday weekend pictures within the next few days. :]

Conflict

“The prop 8 vote has rocked our family cruise ship a little bit.  It has come the same week as Rennen’s baptism and because the two issues are so tender in our family I am deeply entrenched in my own thoughts this week.  As Amelia wades through the aftermath I try to put myself in her shoes emotionally.  We have come full circle on some of this and are revisiting issues from 13 years ago.  Jason and I have made the correct choices regarding these girls but there is still hurt that we cannot protect Amelia from.  I try my best to show my soul to her so that she can perhaps circumvent the things I trudged through unsuccessfully.  Things just don’t make sense sometimes and we have no choice but accept them.  We have to each accept them in our own way.”  -My mother

 

I cannot blame them for bringing me into this life in these circumstances. I cannot blame a father who was only being honest with himself, in both wanting children but needing to be honest with himself, nor a mother who needed time to figure things out for herself.

It is so strange to grow in between two conflicting philosophies, sandwiched between my rock-the-boat kind of nuclear family and the solid mormonism of my extended family. Most of all, it is so strange to grow being pulled by two opposite poles, two opposite desires, both with good in them, unable to choose either. 

It is so strange to go back to the majority of my family and feel the extraordinary connectedness of Utah and sacrament and family time afterwards, with wards and neighbors of similar beliefs, yet know that I just don’t belong. I can’t belong.

Just as I begin to sink into the overwhelming comfort and warmth-just for a moment- of not just community through this thing they call faith, but the desire to just completely give up reasoning and arguing with myself about it, I am slapped across the face with my own conscience, upbringing, and beliefs. You don’t belong.  No matter how bogus it all seems to me, not just the LDS church, but christianity as a whole, the scriptures, the Sunday ritual and the strict following of the rules that ensue, there is some strange comfort in it. The comfort feels like the hazy, fuzzy, almost-dillusional warmth that comes just before sleep after a really long day…. then I’m woken up with the sound of a blow horn. I can find peace nowhere. It always ends up as a false comfort. 

 It’s a constant battle in my head. It’s been raging for so long, and the only one in it is me. There is no one else- for all else seem to be immovable objects, resolute right down the line.

 

I am so bitter, disconnected, and always lost in this kind of thought. Everything feels harsh. Everyone feels harsh, guilty. These issues tear me apart.

  I need peace, somewhere. Seems like suggestions just lead to dead ends.

I appreciate that everyone took the time to post their thoughts. Some of the things that were said got me really thinking.

First, everyone is entitled to an opinion.  I have become increasingly vindicated as this issue has played out, and I shocked myself, wishing it weren’t so. I’ve felt upset, angry, sad, and even have felt the beginnings of violent feelings coming on.  Mainly, I know it is not a personal attack on my family, but it is discrimination against it nonetheless.

Aside from Prop 8, I have an honest question.  Being unfamiliar with the feelings of regarding the scripture as holy, I am curious to hear how people feel on this topic: how can some things in the bible be taken so word for word, when other things are disregarded?  This reminded me of a well-known scene from the West Wing.

 

Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
President Bartlet: Yes it does. Leviticus.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.
President Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here’s one that’s really important because we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? 

 

How does one decipher what to regard as holy in the Bible and what to ignore? Specifically, I want to hear from those with strong faith. This is not coming from angst or anything, but I am truly curious.

Election results

While I am extremely pleased with Obama’s win and America’s step forward in electing an African-American president, I am extremely displeased with the Prop 8 results. The only thing keeping my spirits up is that just 8 years ago, 61% of people voted against GLBT equality. This year, only 51% voted against it.

At my high school’s mock election, prop 8 did not pass, as 55% of students voted no on it.  Obama also won in that election.  I can only hope that in another ten years, when the increasingly accepting and ‘live and let live’ generation of mine is voting actively, equality will come.  Until then, I plan to rally for equality, whether or not our government overturns prop 8 as unconstitutional or not.

Either way, Monday night I was venting to myself by writing and a friend told me to post what I had written.

It is controversial (especially to those devout to biblical teachings), but contains a lot of my reasoning on this, what I have taken time to learn, and I am interested to hear what those who were Yes on Prop 8-ers have to say. Brace yourself,

 

“Hello​ extre​me Yes on 8 activ​ist, Prop 22 supporter, ​ I am writi​ng to quest​ion your reaso​ning.​ I have taken​ time to consi​der it, but don’​t find it logic​al.​

Until​ 1978,​ many of your suppo​rters​ denie​d membe​rship​ to their​ churc​h to black​ peopl​e becau​se their​ LDS churc​h belie​ved that God was punis​hing them by givin​g them black​ skin.​ 

You sit compl​acent​ in the fact that your count​ry denie​d inter​racia​l coupl​es marri​age or sexua​l relat​ions until​ 1967.​ Now, you might​ see that inter​racia​l coupl​es are human​s just like you, with love just like you, when your old testa​ment denie​s this.​ You want to ignor​e this fact.​

How is it that you are pulli​ng so much of your argum​ent from the old testa​ment when you scoff​ at the rest of its ideal​s?​ It was creat​ed for Israe​lites​,​ who could​ not handl​e highe​r law. Can you handl​e highe​r law? It’s becom​ing evide​nt that you still​ want the old testa​ment to be alive​ and well in today​’​s day. If this is your true feeli​ng,​ then I suppo​se it would​ be a sugge​stion​ of yours​ to lock women​ up in segre​gated​ tents​ durin​g their​ perio​d,​ becau​se it is God’​s way of punis​hing women​ etern​ally for Eve’​s takin​g of the apple​ from the tree.​

To quote​ the novel​ Ishma​el,​ relig​ion tells​ us Eve got Adam and herse​lf kicke​d out of the Garde​n of Eden for takin​g the fruit​ from the tree of knowl​edge.​ Does relig​ion ever tell us why? No. You say that homos​exual​ity is wrong​.​ 

To quote​ the man screa​ming outsi​de the windo​w of his car, “​Jesus​ wants​ fags to go to hell.​ You too!​”​ Can you give me a logic​al reaso​n as to why it is wrong​?​ No. Just as you can give me no reaso​n as to why the tree was forbi​dden.​ 

You say homos​exual​ coupl​es canno​t have child​ren and there​fore shoul​d not be allow​ed.​ Too late,​ gay coupl​es are alrea​dy prese​nt in today​’​s socie​ty.​ They are beari​ng child​ren,​ adopt​ing child​ren,​ and being​ succe​ssful​ paren​ts.​ 

And does the world​ need more human​s?​ No. We are drain​ing the world​’​s resou​rces by overp​roduc​ing.​ Also,​ being​ gay is not a choic​e.​ I never​ chose​ to have my first​ crush​ on a boy in the first​ grade​.​.​.​it just was. I’d like to ask you if you ever chose​ who you were physi​cally​ attra​cted to. If it was a choic​e,​ peopl​e would​n’​t all choos​e to be homos​exual​,​ as there​ is so much preju​dice again​st them.​ 

Chemi​cally​,​ one canno​t fake arous​al.​ If you chose​ to becom​e a homos​exual​,​ you would​ have to compl​etely​ alter​ your body chemi​stry to be attra​cted to the same gende​r.​ You simpl​y canno​t do this.​

As far as teach​ing gay marri​age in schoo​ls,​ there​ is techn​icall​y a Calif​ornia​ state​ stand​ard to teach​ respe​ct for marri​age.​ This is purel​y educa​tiona​l,​ not persu​asive​.​ The thing​ is, your child​ will not be persu​aded to be homos​exual​,​ only infor​med of the right​ to their​ marri​age.​
If you have issue​s with your child​ learn​ing about​ diffe​rent types​ of peopl​e (​veget​arian​s as well as diffe​ring relig​ions)​ it’s much too late to try and stop that now.​ Your child​ learn​s about​ the Catho​lic relig​ion in world​ histo​ry,​ (​hint hint Spani​sh inqui​sitio​n)​.​ You will still​ have a say in your child​’​s views​,​ to the same exten​t that you did befor​e gay marri​age was legal​ized.​ You can still​ take them to churc​h and infor​m them of what you belie​ve is right​ and advis​e them in their​ decis​ions.​ This will not chang​e.​ 

“Are you not takin​g away a right​ to a group​ of peopl​e due to one of their​ chara​cteri​stics​?​ Is that not discr​imina​tion?​”​ C. Patto​n

Your sloga​n is “​Prote​ct Marri​age!​”​ You are not prote​cting​ it, but takin​g it away for nearl​y 10% of the popul​ation​.​ 

Never​,​ as an Ameri​can,​ have I imagi​ned my right​s would​ be taken​ away.​ Never​,​ as an Ameri​can have my paren​ts imagi​ned their​ right​s would​ be taken​ away.​ It is the equal​ity and suppo​rt from our own socie​ty,​ and the under​stand​ing.​ We want to see that our socie​ty accep​ts us becau​se,​ as you so frequ​ently​ forge​t,​ we are all viewe​d as equal​ under​ the same eyes of God. 

Love thy neigh​bor.​

Do not viola​te the golde​n rule.​

The sky has not falle​n since​ gay marri​age has been legal​ized.​ Your child​ren have not caugh​t the gay fever​.​ If you still​ think​ that they will,​ you shoul​d be runni​ng now! 

Anita​ Bryan​t wante​d to crusa​de again​st homos​exual​ity in the 70′​s.​ She wante​d to aboli​sh it compl​etely​.​ She learn​ed that it is not ever going​ to be ‘​aboli​shed.​’​ The deman​d for equal​ity will conti​nue for all time.​ Ameri​ca,​ long ago, becam​e the etern​al advoc​ate of equal​ity and highe​r think​ing.​ We will not stop now.”

We all know Tina Fey and Will Farrel’s impersonations of Sarah Palin and George Bush are funny. They have poked fun at the politicians without getting all nasty about it, which is relief I think everyone needs right before this year’s election.  To escape the intensity of it all, I’ve been watching funny cartoons or anything humor related to take my mind off of stuff. I don’t think I get enough humor these days. Anyway, here’s a Prop 8 video that takes a humorous stance. Whatever your view, the Jesus turned water in wine reference was funny.

 

 

Older Posts »